Gooey Cookie Butter Funfetti Mash-Up Bars

I love sprinkles. Sometimes I love sprinkles so darn much, I think it might be an addiction. You know, like something might be wrong with me that can be actually diagnosed by one of those white-coated people carrying around apples and their (too-)high-minded(-for-Ala) intelligence who look at you through their sleek prescription lenses. One of my med student friends told me that half or more in the profession wear fake glasses because it makes you look like you know what you’re doing even when you don’t–and apparently, the “don’t” part is a pretty frequent thing, especially for new residents. My trust level for doctors has plummeted exponentially since I learned this little fact.

Huh. I wonder why.

Anyway, sometimes my sprinkles addiction gets almost as bad as my stuffed animal addiction, and then it turns into something like this:

I still want to finish watching that movie, by the way. My family had the good grace to turn it off 15 minutes before the end because we had a Thanksgiving meal to carve into. Like, seriously? What do we have to be thankful for if we can’t find out what happens to the cutest girl and fluffiest unicorn in the world?!

Only kidding. I love my family. But I also love sprinkles and stuffed animals, to a possibly indecent extent.

And there’s just so many of them!! Okay, so I’ll admit that I went a little crazy. I went a lot crazy. In fact, if you aren’t starting to get the nagging feeling that something about this post is uncharacteristically Wolfe-ian stream-of-consciousness, you probably need to wake yourself up with a bite of these amazing, scrumptious, gooey, deathly-sweet, it’s-so-sprinkly!!! funfetti cookie butter bars. Because that’s definitely what my nerves are strung up on at the moment, and let me tell you–it’s feeling pretty darn good for a sugar rush.

Have you ever seen the photos from the Threadless Shirt Company? If you haven’t, you absolutely need to. My entire wardrobe is stocked with these little beauties, and if I had a choice (and no semblance of preserving dignity), I would buy the two following shirts that smartly deal with the concept of rainbow-colored foodstuffs:

Title: The Morning After

Title: Marshmallow Factory

Real high humor, I know. And appetizing, isn’t it? I try. I really, really do. Fortunately, these bars are so freakin’ good and sweet that I could probably post a picture of–well, use your imagination–and you’d probably just shrug and reach for another melting, rainbow-packed funfetti cookie butter mash-up bar.

This recipe deserves a big shout-out to my friend Bob, who was the chef de cuisine today in my kitchen and really did a stellar job baking up a storm. We sort of winged it with this recipe based on an amazing post from Averie Cooks and made it our own. Gooier, more insane, and–of course–more sprinkley!! And we had a fantastic time doing it. I even got a killer veggie spaghetti into the bargain! We made the mistake of enjoying our pasta over a showing of Miyazaki’s Princess Mononoke which, for those of you who aren’t familiar with this film, involves a lot of pasta-like demon-substances that basically gorge the soul and body of whatever host body it happens to inhabit at the time.

Yeah, more appetizing stuff. I’m just filled with that today, aren’t I?

Well, to get your mind of potentially appetite-ruining visuals and/or thoughts, how ’bout a few, er, related and appealing and appeasing pictures instead?

Here (our dinner, courtesy of chef Bob!):

A veggie-packed soy chorizo spaghetti dish in a light marinara basil sauce.

And here:

Feeling better yet? I hope so! Because in about two seconds, your family/roommate/significant other is going to walk into the room, see these pictures, and demand that you get up immediately to whip up a batch. And seriously…do you even need another excuse to want to try these?

Oh, these also contain “cookie butter”–if you’ve never heard of this before, don’t worry! It’s basically just like Christmas in a jar. Imagine crushed gingersnaps being blended into the creamiest, most lightly spiced creamy butter ever, and you have cookie butter. Trader Joe’s now stocks it for those of you who have access to the store, and for those of you who don’t, it goes under several other pseudonyms, including Speculoos spread and Biscoff spread, like this:

So are you hanging onto your seats? Ready to embark on a magic carpet ride that would make Aladdin and Jasmine’s look like a putt-putt car in a children’s fair? Then get ready for this gooey, melty, messy, mind-blowing funfetti cookie butter bar recipe!

Happy reading, and happy eatings!

Gooey Cookie Butter Funfetti Mash-Up Bars

Adapted from the lovely recipe by Averie Cooks.

Ingredients:

• 1 box Pillsbury’s funfetti cake mix
• 1 egg, room temperature
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1 (14-oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1/2 cup cookie butter
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet or milk chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup white chocolate chips (feel free to substitute peanut butter chips, butterscotch chips, or M&M’s to taste! I’m sure M&M’s would add great color to the bars!)
• 1/3 cup sweetened coconut flakes
• Sprinkles, for decorating

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9×13-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, combine funfetti cake mix, egg, and butter. Mix until every is well incorporated; your dough may be thick, but just work through it until everything is mixed completely! Pat mixture smoothly into prepared baking pan.
3. Sprinkle chocolate chips and coconut flakes evenly over the funfetti cake crust. Add other ingredients to sweeten or brighten it up as desired! The more color, the better, I always say, and I believe my clown and unicorn friends would agree.
4. In the now-empty bowl, combine sweetened condensed milk and cookie butter. Lick spoons and/or take “sample tests” as necessary. (Hey, I believe in a free kitchen, okay?) When you’re done being guilty of double-dipping, spoon the mixture evenly over the funfetti/toppings. Spread into a smooth layer.
5. Bake in preheated oven for 22-25 minutes. Don’t worry about it still being gooey–that’s what you want (if the recipe name didn’t give it away)! It’ll set up a bit more as it cools, if you can wait that long. Cut through with a knife that has been run under hot water for clean cuts, and bam! Killer sprinkle-filled bars. Store in the fridge for up to a week.

So you’ve assembled all of your ingredients, and you’re ready to go? Off to a good start! You’ve got your butter and your eggs…

Add in that funfetti mix!

Mix well, then pat into a greased 9×13-inch baking pan.

 

Time for some wild spoon-lickin’! Go crazy with that cookie butter and sweetened condensed milk!

Layer up your toppings as desired. Notice the lurking criminal at the top of the picture…ready to strike at a moment’s call.

Pour on that cookie butter mix! (I apologize for the inadvertent and kind of repulsive product placement featured in this photo. I swear, they don’t pay me. Not that I would mind it if they did, of course…)

Top it with an onslaught of sprinkles, pop it in the oven, and you’re ready to go!